I feel angry, a young girl who has so much going for her, such a positive outlook on life, who has affected so many people, is losing her fight with cancer.


I feel angry because I worry about the insignificant things, I spend too much time ‘working’ and not enough time ‘getting things done’!


I feel angry because I stand in my own way constantly, convincing myself I’m not good enough to achieve things that are totally within my grasp, thinking ‘one day I’ll get it done’ and I don’t!


I feel angry that I constantly question my ability as a mother, every time I shout at my kids I feel more of a failure, every time I look at my untidy house and lose the will to do everything else because ‘I work from home’, so my house should be spotless’!


I feel angry that I think I don’t spend enough quality time with my children, that I allow them to play video games so that I can ‘work’ when I should schedule my work time around my kids and not the other way around!


I feel angry that I have to rely on my husband financially, completely missing the point that I am following my dreams and he is supporting me by being the breadwinner and he never complains!


I feel angry that my life changed so much when I had children, I hate change, yet the life I have now is so much more rewarding than the one I had before!


I feel angry that I can’t appreciate the fact that my life continues, while a young girl’s life is slowly slipping away.


My Vow


I vow that despite my anger, I shall live a better life, I will be more grateful and I will cut myself some god damn slack!


I vow to stop saying yes all of the time, to value my time, experience and knowledge, to know that I am good enough!


I vow to only work when it doesn’t affect my children, to not give a shit that my house isn’t a show home, its lived in and I have children who are fed, warm and happy!


I vow not to waste my life feeling so angry and start to channel my energy into feeling more positive, even when I feel like shit and the world is about to end, because for me, right now, it is not.


Mel is a Personal Trainer, Fitness Tutor and Blogger, she is passionate about what she does and her blogs represent her opinion (and she is pretty opinionated!).

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  1. Mel.

    I bloody love you. I needed to see this today.

    Have a good day. It can only get better xxx

    1. Mel Carpenter

      Thanks Kelly, I love you too! Always here for you lovely xx

  2. Ruth

    My kids are older, I still feel guilty..onwards and upwards xx

    1. Mel Carpenter

      Based on what my mom says, I don’t think it ever goes away does it?! Thanks for commenting Ruth x

  3. Mel – the fact that you can take that anger and turn it into meaning is bloody amazing.

    Life is such a precious thing. And I for one really resonate with this, and it reminds me how lucky I am to be able to work with someone who has the ability to take determination from the anger of such a terrible situation.

    Thank you for your post

    1. Mel Carpenter

      Thank you for taking the time to comment Simon – I feel blessed to be working with someone like you who is enabling me to write about my feelings (no matter how difficult they may be) and through that, I am able to help others x

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