I FEEL ANGRY!
I feel angry, a young girl who has so much going for her, such a positive outlook on life, who has affected so many people, is losing her fight with cancer.
I feel angry because I worry about the insignificant things, I spend too much time ‘working’ and not enough time ‘getting things done’!
I feel angry because I stand in my own way constantly, convincing myself I’m not good enough to achieve things that are totally within my grasp, thinking ‘one day I’ll get it done’ and I don’t!
I feel angry that I constantly question my ability as a mother, every time I shout at my kids I feel more of a failure, every time I look at my untidy house and lose the will to do everything else because ‘I work from home’, so my house should be spotless’!
I feel angry that I think I don’t spend enough quality time with my children, that I allow them to play video games so that I can ‘work’ when I should schedule my work time around my kids and not the other way around!
I feel angry that I have to rely on my husband financially, completely missing the point that I am following my dreams and he is supporting me by being the breadwinner and he never complains!
I feel angry that my life changed so much when I had children, I hate change, yet the life I have now is so much more rewarding than the one I had before!
I feel angry that I can’t appreciate the fact that my life continues, while a young girl’s life is slowly slipping away.
I vow that despite my anger, I shall live a better life, I will be more grateful and I will cut myself some god damn slack!
I vow to stop saying yes all of the time, to value my time, experience and knowledge, to know that I am good enough!
I vow to only work when it doesn’t affect my children, to not give a shit that my house isn’t a show home, its lived in and I have children who are fed, warm and happy!
I vow not to waste my life feeling so angry and start to channel my energy into feeling more positive, even when I feel like shit and the world is about to end, because for me, right now, it is not.
Mel is a Personal Trainer, Fitness Tutor and Blogger, she is passionate about what she does and her blogs represent her opinion (and she is pretty opinionated!).